


Thursday's Grace

by fluffy_subtext



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Action/Adventure, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jossed, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-26
Updated: 2011-05-26
Packaged: 2017-10-19 19:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy_subtext/pseuds/fluffy_subtext
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My own ending for season 6. : Nothing goes as planned. Hints at Castiel/Dean. If you squint you might see some Crowley/Bobby Singer. (This is Part 1)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thursday's Grace

XXX

Thursday's Grace

XXX

"I know it's him doing this." Dean threw his map on the ground letting out a stream of curses.

Sam watched his older brother sadly as he sat on top of the Impala's hood. He glanced over at Bobby's truck, the older man was on his cell looking annoyed and tired. Which was nothing new since Bobby always looked annoyed and tired but all three of them were exhausted at this point.

"Dammit Cas!" Dean was shouting at the sky again. "I know this is you!"

It had been almost a full month since they learned that Cas was working with Crowley. Castiel, Angel of the Lord, working with the new King of Hell. It hurt. Sam closed his eyes. He knew it hurt Dean a little more than the rest of them, he had known the Angel more than Sam or Bobby.

"Dicks! All of them." Dean was muttering to himself as he picked up his map again.

Okay so maybe it hurt Dean a lot more than it had hurt Sam or Bobby but hell, they had been suspicious of it for a bit while Dean got blindsided. It made it worse that Cas didn't want them to find Crowley. So every lead they followed, every whisper or rumor they decided to check, they always came up empty. They had been running in circles and to make matters worse they weren't even finding monsters, ghosts, demons, angels, or anything to fight along the way. That would help with the stress … the pressure but they didn't have anything.

Sam was honestly surprised they had managed not to kill each other yet.

"Lets just head back to the dang hotel we passed a while back." Bobby's voice halted Dean's mumblings. "We're tired, there was a diner and I haven't got anything new for us to chase."

"Sounds good to me." Sam tried to smirk at Dean as Bobby pulled away not really waiting for their approval of his plan. Dean sighed, his shoulder's slumping.

"Fine but I'm just going to hit the sack." He threw his map into the back seat before throwing himself in the Impala and starting it.

Sam decided it wouldn't be a good time to point out it was only just past noon or remind Dean that he hadn't seen his brother eat anything since Monday night. It was Wednesday.

XXX

"Castiel."

Castiel closed his eyes before turning to look at his brother. "Balthazar."

"You look like shit." The other Angel offered.

"I could say the same." Castiel's lips twitched slightly. "Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing." Balthazar looked tired and worried.

"I do not know what you are talking about." Castiel didn't meet his brother's eyes. It was easier to lie that way. To make sure that no one else would be involved … blamed if it didn't work.

Balthazar took a step forward to meet Castiel's eyes. "Little brother." His tone was serious. "Raphael still hunts you, your followers are starting to doubt their choice in a leader, we are losing and you're down here on Earth dealing with a Demon."

Castiel was only slightly grateful Balthazar left out the fact Castiel had slayed his own brothers and sisters. He took a deep breath.

"I need you to trust me."

"Even when your hairless ape doesn't?" It hurt. It hurt that Dean didn't trust him anymore. That Castiel had ruined his relationship with the Winchesters and Bobby Singer. But this was for their good. It was for the good of everyone.

"If we fail … " Castiel started before trying to find the right words. "Balthazar … if I fail I beg you to watch them."

"Begging now Casti?" Balthazar tried to have humor in his tone but it didn't help the mood. "You should just stop what you are doing and watch over them yourself."

Castiel really doubted they would take him back if he did. "It is too late now."

"It's never too late!"

"Balthazar." Castiel looked at his brother sadly. "I'm sorry." He let out a deep breath before his scenery changed and he was outside a hotel in Dunlap, Texas; a familiar black Impala parked outside. It was easier to follow the Winchester's when Crowley showed him how to follow the Demon's coin tracers. He glanced over at the restaraunt that was attached to the hotel. Bobby and Sam were both speaking, they looked tired.

He glanced up before he was in the room holding Dean. The man was sleeping face down on a twin bed. His feet hung off the end and he was snoring slightly. Castiel felt heavy as he stared at his former friend. There was a pain in his chest telling him to reveal himself … to explain to Dean what he was doing …

But he knew the older Winchester enough to know Dean wouldn't want to listen. He would want Castiel to leave … to never speak to him again. He had betrayed the brothers. But it was for their own good. Castiel hoped they might forgive him when it was over. The Angel suddenly realized he had reached forward to put a hand in Dean's hair but stopped himself, even if he was sleeping and Castiel himself was invisible that would have been a stupid idea.

He looked at the tired yet strong example of a human man. "I am sorry."

XXX

When the clocks reached midnight they stopped ticking.

Dean blinked twice before pulling out his gun and pointing it at the door.

"Dean?" Sam was up the second his brother grabbed his gun. "What's wrong?"

"The clocks." Dean muttered glancing at them again to make sure they still hadn't changed.

"Very observant." Both brother's pointed their guns at the Angel that was in the middle of their room. Raphael smirked, four of her body-guard angels beside her.

"What do you want? I've been looking for a fight." Dean smirked cocking his gun. His heart was beating hard against his ribs. How had Raphael found them? Weren't they blocked to angels or something? What about Bobby?

"It wasn't your friend that led us here." Raphael smiled reading Dean's mind causing the older Winchester to growl at him. Angels were dicks. "We were tracking someone else, who couldn't help but visit you even if you didn't know he was here."

Cas.

"Yes." Raphael looked between both brothers as if to say they had thought the same thing. "My little brother has been sending you in circles for weeks to protect that demon," the word was said with a level of disdain Dean was positive Bobby reserved for health foods, "that he is working for."

"Why don't you stop him then?" Dean bit out. Cas was in deep and he wouldn't let Dean stop him. Part of him wanted Raphael to go in and stop him but then the other part didn't want to lose his friend forever.

"He is already lost." Raphael bit out.

"Stop reading my goddamn mind." Dean growled only slightly cheered up by the wince all of the angel's gave off at his words.

"You will watch your tongue. My little brother isn't protecting you anymore." Raphael hissed.

And well shit … she had a point.

Dean didn't have an Angel on his side anymore, fallen or otherwise.

"Why are you here?" Sam spoke up.

"No reason." The Angel smiled like she was enjoying lying to them. And she probably was.

"Bit-" They were gone before Dean even finished the word. He glanced at the clock to see it was ticking again.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asked out loud running a nervous hand through his hair. The both pointed their guns at the door as there was a loud knocking.

"Boys we gotta get on the road." It was Bobby.

Dean threw the door open. "What's going on?"

"What the hell happened to you two?" Bobby looked between the both of them.

"Just got a visit from Raphael." Sam was getting his bags together.

"What?" Bobby sounded angry.

"I think she as looking for Cas." Dean scratched his head. "Anyways he's not here, what do you have?"

"One of the guys I know in Oklahoma says there's some weird stuff going down near him." Bobby glanced between the both of them.

"Weird how?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Everyone decided to move." Bobby shrugged. "A small area near Dover. Everyone in town just decided to move away for no reason … almost as if they were told to but no one remembers why."

"Okay that is weird." Dean grabbed his bag. "How far?"

"A little over 4 hours." Bobby left the door to let them out. "Why was Raphael looking for Cas here?"

"Apparently he was here." Sam stopped at the glare he recieved from his brother. "What? That's what she said."

"I know." Dean grumbled. He just couldn't shake the feeling that this was all wrong. And that Cas was in big trouble.

"Dammit Cas."

XXX

"You sure this is it?" Castiel looked around in the basement of the abandoned warehouse they were in. Crowley rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"If I wasn't positive about it I wouldn't have suggested you kindly let the towns people move out of town before we did this." The Demon was annoyed.

"You didn't suggest it." Castiel reminded him.

Crowley smirked. "Thats because I don't waste time! Can we move on with this now that you have gotten your precious townsfolk away?"

"If you know what you are doing." Castiel tried to fight back the smirk at the angry noises that Crowley made at that statement. He looked around the room. "Why here?"

"Because everything in the universe loves to make bloody sense." The Demon responded sarcastically. "Would you like to go for some tea after this or would you like to shut the bloody hell up?"

"You could-" Castiel stopped at the look Crowley gave him. He closed his mouth and walked away from the Demon.

It would obviously take a lot of concentration if they were to open up the door to Purgatory.

XXX

"This is just creepy." Sam muttered as they drove thru the ghost town, Bobby tailing behind in his truck with his friend Louis. The whole town was abandoned.

"Where should we start?" Dean asked as Bobby pulled up beside him. The older man looked around before suddenly there was a bright light coming from a factory in the distance.

"How about there?" He scoffed.

"What the hell?" Dean quickly moved his car into gear.

"Remember we have no idea what we're going up against." Same decided to remind his brother as they went towards the light.

XXX

"There are people in the town." Castiel made a swiping motion with his hand.

"People or Angels?" Crowley raised an eyebrow as he wrote symbols on the glowing wall.

"Humans." Castiel frowned. "I have locked all entrances to the building so they can't get inside."

"Handy." Crowley snorted resuming his task.

"If this doesn't work we're both going to die." Castiel thought he should remind the Demon.

"Remind me to never invited you to any of my parties after this." Crowley replied sarcastically. "In fact, if I see you again in the next decade it would be too soon."

"That feeling is very mutual." Castiel bit back suddenly realizing that Crowley was probably the closest thing he had to a friend at the moment. "I am sure that we will both be very busy anyway."

"Your friend better come." Crowley growled pulling away from the wall.

XXX

"Every entrance is locked down right. Whatever is in there doesn't want us to get in." Sam and Louis met Bobby and Dean around the back of the Warehouse that was still giving off a strange glow.

"What the hell is going on in there?" Bobby muttered.

"Maybe we should the hell outta dodge too?" Louis offered earning a glare from Dean. "It's not like we can get inside is it?"

"Dean." Sam was suddenly tense beside his brother. Dean looked around. There were angels everywhere.

"What the hell?" Dean spun around and was suddenly face to face with Raphael who was smiling.

"Glad you made it."

"Dean!" Sam shouted as both his brother and the Angel disappeared.

"That aint good." Bobby hissed watching all the other angels warily but none of them were paying attention to them, just staring at the building.

"What the hell!" Louis was starting to lose it.

"Hey! Where did she take my brother!" Sam ran over to the nearest angel and and hit it across the face with a crow bar. It dented on the angel's face but the angel did not move. Sam threw it to the ground.

"Dean!"

XXX

"Hey!" Dean fell back as the scenary changed. "What the hell dude?" There was a bright light behind him that Raphael seemed really please about so he turned around.

Cas was staring at him wide-eyed. "Dean?"

"Oh looky you brought a bargaining chip." Crowley drawled sarcastically.

"Raphael this is between me and you, leave him out of this." Castiel spoke hastily. Thats when Dean noticed that behind Crowley and Castiel, there was a door. It was round and had strange carvings … and for how bright it was glowing it didn't hurt his eyes to look at.

"Is that?" He faltered.

"The door to Purgatory." Crowly clipped in. "Oh look he does learn."

Dean was pulled back as a silver angelic blade was pressed to his throat. "Hey you bastard!"

"Castiel, surrender now, bow to me and surrender the door and I will let your mud monkey live." Raphael was so much stronger than her body looked as Dean tried to pull away but she didn't budge. The knife to his throat didn't help either.

"Oh mud monkey, I think that one." Crowley smirked. "I'll use that."

"Silence Demon." Raphael bit out.

"Let him go." Castiel commanded suddenly with a blade in his hand. And just like that Dean couldn't pull his eyes away from the Angel. The Angel that he had worked with for so long, side by side. The Angel that watched his back. The Angel that had betrayed him to work with Crowley. Castiel looked bad, his clothes were raggedy, his eyes had bags, and he honestly looked like he could fall over at any moment.

What had happened in those few weeks they had been apart?

"Castiel." Raphael thundered, it took Dean a second to realize that it was thundering all around them, as if there was a storm inside this room with them. "You will bend to my will."

"Don't surrender Cas." Dean bit out suddenly before his brain could catch up to his mouth. Raphael's grip tightened around him and his voice was suddenly stuck in his throat. He coughed as his eyes watered.

Cas faltered staring at Dean.

"Raphael you can't bring back Michael and Lucifer." Castiel's voice was gravely and desperate.

"What? Bring them back? Why would I do that? I like my brother's right where they are Castiel." Raphael laughed low and slow. "I don't need them to destroy this planet as it should have been … starting with this one right here."

"No!"

XXX

Sam, Bobby and Louis all fell to the ground as a pulls of light came from the building and all of the windows shattered. The angels around them took a step back unsettled.

"Dammit that better not be your brother!" Bobby shouted as another blast of energy sent them to the ground again. Sam knew Dean had to be in the middle of it. One of them was always in the middle of it.

"I'm too late."

Sam looked up to see Balthazar standing in front of him. The angels took a step back from him instead of attacking like Sam would have assumed to happen. After all hadn't Raphael been hunting Balthazar as well? But all of the angel's looked worried as they stared at the building.

"Balthazar I need you to take me in there! Raphael took Dean." Sam pulled himself up trying to be wary of another blast.

"I can't I'm too late!" Balthazar hissed glaring at Sam before schooling his features. "Raphael took your brother?"

"Uh … yeah he took Dean." Sam hesitated. "What's wrong?"

"Does anyone know what the hell is going on here?" Bobby asked loudly. He looked like he was about to start shooting angels just to relieve some stress.

"Castiel and Crowley are opening the door to Purgatory." Balthazar's voice was shaky.

"You know he's working with Crowley?" Sam all but screamed before getting knocked to the ground again.

"Of course. He is my little brother, its my job to know what he's up to." Balthazar mumbled. "I don't approve of it but there was no talking him out of it."

"If they're opening purgatory then we need to get Dean out of there." Bobby was suddenly beside Sam helping him up. "Why aren't all these angels trying to stop him?"

"They're waiting to see who comes out." Balthazar sighed. "And we're blocked from going in."

"Which means?" Sam asked frantically.

"That the door is open and we need to pray that my brother didn't just destroy us all."

XXX

Dean's head buzzed with what felt like electricity, not the bad shocking kind of way but the numb tingly, his feet are asleep, kind of way. He groaned as he felt something dig into his back.

"Stay down if you want to have a chance to keep your sorry arse alive." Crowley hissed above him causing Dean to open his eyes. Dean's back was against the wall that had the glowing door on it. Crowley was frantically murmuring some sort of spell. He had a gash down the side of his face and his clothes looked like they had been burned. Dean winced at the pain in his back, where was Cas? What happened? He blinked a few more times before he realised Raphael and Cas were fighting around the whole room.

And Castiel was losing.

Dean tried to pull himself up but then everything went fuzzy and numb again and he fell forward barely catching himself. Crowley yelled something at him but he couldn't really hear him, not that he gave a crap what that demon was saying. He cursed grabbing onto an old table that was in front of him and pulling himself up. He gasped as he finally got to his feet. Oh it hurt. He looked down to see a sharp blade going through his left shoulder.

"Dean get back!" There was a strong hand pulling him backwards, Dean winced at the pain before there was a sharp hiss of pain. He looked up wideyed staring at the angelic blade that was inches from his face, he followed it to Raphael who was gaping surprised. Castiel had his arm around Dean while the other one was stretched out with his blade, the tip hitting Rapheal's shoulder. The woman pulled back and there was a small whole with a light shining through. She shakily prepared herself to attack again.

Dean quickly eyed Castiel noting he had similar cuts across his form, as if he was just barely keeping himself alive. The world shifted and Dean was suddenly sitting in the corner of the room away from the glowing door, he could barely see Crowley. He looked of Cas and noticed him and Raphael were standing across from each other … they were talking but Dean couldn't hear them over the thunder or static going on in the room.

And then the door was open. Dean felt his whole body grow cold and something tugging at the pit of his stomach. It was horrible. There was a mist suddenly covering the floor but instead of paying attention to the door Castiel and Raphael were fighting again. Dean didn't even know where Crowley was. A wave of energy went the the building and it shook. There was no way it could stand this ultimate supernatural showdown. he was suddenly grateful that everyone in town had left.

Then Raphael threw Cas to the ground. The smaller angel let out a strangled noise that had Dean's ears ringing and his heart clenching tight.

"Cas!" He tried to pull himself forward but there seemed to be a force holding him back. Raphael plunged his blade down.

"Close your eyes." Dean quickly covered his eyes with his hands. Castiel's voice sounded like he was right beside him, which was impossible. Even with his eyes closed and his hands over them he could still see the brightness of the room. The room felt heavy and full, it was impossibly hot and Dean was suddenly worried that there was no room anymore, that maybe he wasn't even there anymore.

Then the was the comforting feeling slowly going through his body. Dean went to move his hand but there was something soft ... maybe not even really there keeping his hands in place.

His back hit the wall with a painful snap and the light was gone, his hands went to push him up as he blinked trying to get the room to focus. "Cas?"

The large door was shut with Crowley holding the door back while trying to write symbols on it. He was saying something but Dean couldn't hear anything over the ringing in his ears. He frantically looked around for Cas before he saw the Angel pulling himself up from some rubble, there were glowing gashes all over his body.

Raphael was no where in sight.

"Why did you do that you bloody idiot?" Crowley hissed, "That wasn't part of the plan!"

"Plans change." The voice was low and pained as Castiel threw himself against the door.

"You're closing it?" Crowley jumped back from the door.

Castiel coughed and Dean swore he saw some light fall from his mouth. Cas must have said something because his mouth was moving and Crowley was arguing back but the ringing was back and the pounding on the door was causing light to leak from it.

"Cas what are you doing?" Dean yelled trying to stay on his feet. He must have lost a lot of blood already from his shoulder. His question went ignored as a wave of light sent all of them crashing back.

"Its not closing Angel!"

Another wave burst through the door.

"Cas ... " Deans voice broke as he lied in pain on the ground. They needed to get out of there before Raphael came back. If they had thrown the Angel into the door like Dean was thinking Cas might have, then they were about to have a seriously pissed off Archangel.

"You can't do that!" Crowley was yelling as Cas picked up his blade from the floor. "We had a deal that you've already screwed up!"

"Then you won't mind if I screw it up some more. Either way the end outcome is practically the same as what you wanted." Cas wheezed tripping over to the door.

"This is no where close to what I wanted!" Crowley was pissed but stepping away from Castiel. "You aren't even going to survive in your condition now."

Cas glanced once back at Dean. The older Winchester tried to yell out at him, whatever Cas was thinking. Stop. He watched horrified as Cas stabbed himself in the stomach before another wave of power hit him again knocking him out.

XXX

"What the hell?" Bobby, Sam, Louis and then angels all stepped back as the building shook, light glowing from all the windows, before it started caving in on itself.

"Dean!" Sam ran forward but was grabbed by Bobby.

"Stop you Idjit!"

"No ... " All the men turned to look at Balthazar noticing he had tears in his eyes. In fact all of the othe angels looked between shocked or crying.

"Balthazar … " Sam felt cold. "Balthazar what happened?"

"Move ya morons!" Bobby grabbed both Sam and Louis pulling them out of the way of debris from the collapsing building.

"What happened!" Sam shouted back at Balthazar before making sure he was far enough away. He gasped as branches came out of the rubble. A tree was growing from the collapsing building. It was growing fast and it was large. Bobby pulled him back again as large roots cracked the cement underneath them.

And then it was done as quickly as it started but where the warehouse once stood was a large Chapel-Oak tree surrounded by rubble and debris of what used to be a building. The Lower half was still blocked by walls.

"Dean!" Sam ran forward to the building ignoring Bobby's shouts. "He's still in there!"

"Come with me." Sam stopped beside Balthazar who held out his hand.

"I'm coming too." Bobby huffed as he ran over. "Dammit come on."

Sam kept himself from flinching away as Balthazar touched both his and Bobby's foreheads. When he opened his eyes they were at the base of the tree but also inside a room that had been torn apart by the branches and roots. He frantically looked around until he saw Dean's body lying on the floor with a small knife coming from his shoulder. He wasn't moving.

"Dean!" Sam ran over to him quickly checking for a pulse. "Dean?" His hand reached over to the blade.

"Don't pull that out!" Bobby hissed at his side. Sam pulled his hand away … there was a light pulse.

"Bobby I feel a pulse but it's not very strong." Sam looked up at the man worried.

"He'll be fine." A wheezy accented voice came from underneath a pile of rubble. Crowley slowly kicked his way out. His hands were black and half of his face was singed, one of his eyes glowing red instead of the regular black but his skin was mending itself. The demon coughed crawling out of the rocks. Blood splattered on the floor. "Fuck me."

"What do you mean? Did you do this to him?" Sam growled but Bobby grabbed his shoulder.

"I saved his life you know." Crowley wheezed sounded annoyed. "Dammit."

Thats when Sam finally heard someone crying, in complete and total agony. His blood ran cold as he looked to the source at the bottom of the tree. At first he saw Balthazar just standing and looking pained … he wasn't the one crying.

It was Cas.

Castiel was holding onto the base of the tree as if it was his last lifeline. He was covered in blood and crying as if someone had forced him to watch the world be destroyed over and over again. Tears falling from the angels face as he hugged onto the tree shaking his head.

"Brother." Balthazar sounded pained. "What have you done?"

"It was the only way." Sobbed Castiel. "The only way … it hurts Balthazar … it hurts so much."

But what about the door to Purgatory? What had happened with that? Sam glanced over at Crowley who was watching the Angels with a strange expression. He was still healing. Sam wanted to kill the Demon now or … do anything but if Crowley was the reason Dean was still alive …

"Well this was fun. Completely ruining everything I've been working so hard for but hey, why not." Crowley bit out before glancing over at Bobby and Sam. "I would get one of the Angel's to fix up your darling boy before he dies."

And with that the demon was gone.

The building creaked around them ominously.

"We need to get out of here." Bobby cursed a few times before lifting the unconscious Dean up by one arm. "You get his other side."

Sam quickly helped lifted his brother up so one arm was over each of their shoulders. He looked over to see Balthazar carrying an unconscious Castiel over his shoulder. The Angel was beside them in a blink of an eye and in another they were all outside again. Louis was freaking out beside Bobby's truck but it seemed the other angels were waiting on Balthazar.

"Balthazar can you do anything for Dean?" Sam asked quickly before noticing how pale the Angel looked. His face was set to a quiet fury as he glared over at Sam.

"I will heal your brother under one condition." The Angel bit out. As if he was furious with what he was about to say.

"What?" Bobby asked agitated.

"You take care of mine."

"What? I'm pretty sure he's going to have a lot of explaining to do to the other angels and-" Same stopped at Balthazar's pained expression. "I mean … he won didn't he?"

"Stupid hairless -" Balthazar stopped himself. "He tore out his grace! That's what he did!"

"What?" Bobby looked gobsmacked.

"Wait can't he get it back? Like Anna?" Sam tried … the tree was right there.

Balthazar spoke slower and with more purpose. "You don't get it. He closed the gate to Purgatory with it. He locked Raphael, a bloody Archangel, in there and closed the gate. If we were to take it back it would just open right back up … you … he … " Balthazar glared at the both of them.

"We'll take care of him." Sam blurted out. It wasn't only because he wanted his brother healed but if Balthazar was right, which he probably was, then that meant they might owe Cas some apologies. "I swear we will."

"Very well." Balthazar reached out and pulled the blade from Dean's shoulder before touching his forehead. His wounds disappeared instantly and Dean let out a shaky breath. Sam let Bobby take his brother's weight as he took Castiel from Balthazar. The Angel whispered something over his brother before letting Sam take him.

"I'll come see him when he wakes up." And then all of the Angels were gone.

"Shit."

For once Sam was pretty sure Bobby summed up their situation pretty well.

XXX

Dean woke up a couple of hours later as they were passing through McPherson, Kansas.

"Cas!" He jumped up before hitting the roof of his car.

"Dean!" Sam swerved slightly on the road, surprised as he quickly reached over and place a hand on Dean's shoulder. "It's okay! We're on the road."

"What?" Dean looked around, "But what about … Cas … Crowley … " He noticed something was in the back seat. He turned his head to see the Cas unmoving in the back. His clothes were cut up and covered in blood. Dean felt cold. "Is he?"

"He's uh …" Sam bit his lip. "Alive. Human now … but he was a mess. Baltha-"

"Human? He lost his Grace?" Dean tried to remember what had been happening before he blacked out.

"Balthazar says he tore it our himself." Sam glanced over at his brother. "What happened Dean? After Raphael took you?"

"He tore it out?" Dean was still trying to wrap his head around that. "I … it was hectic. I think Raphael took me trying to get some leverage or something … next thing I know there two angels having some sort of epic death match while I'm trying not to bleed out on the ground … still have no idea where that blade came from." Dean touched his shoulder tentatively … he had been healed.

"Crowley opened the door to Purgatory." Dean closed his eyes. "It's hazy … Raphael wasn't there anymore and then I saw Cas stab himself with his blade … then nothing." He grimly looked back at Cas. "What happened?"

"Well we couldn't get inside." Sam tried to keep his eyes on the road but he was worried about his brother. "Then the building collapses because an Oak decided to make its home there."

"A tree?"

"Must be some sort of Angel Grace thing." Sam sighed. "Apparently Cas locked Raphael into Purgatory and then ripped his Grace out to keep the door closed."

"Then we know where it is, he can get it back." Dean tried to fight the urge to climb into the back and make sure Cas was still alive.

"No he can't." Sam bit his lip. "I'm assuming if he did it would just open the gate right back. Crowley was pissed but he disappeared pretty quickly. Balthazar says he's going to come to us when Cas wakes up but other than that I don't really know … "

"Why open the door and just throw Raphael in? What was the point of that?" Dean's mind was racing.

"It didn't seem like that had been the plan." Sam offered, "At least it hadn't been Crowley's."

"Do you think he planned it?" Dean looked back again.

"I don't know Dean … when we got down there he was a wreck."

"So he's stuck being a human?" Dean ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah." Sam honestly didn't know what else to say. So he kept driving.

XXX

It was two days after they had been holed up at Bobby's that they got a visitor.

Cas was still out, sometimes he was like the dead, silent and pale but he had started having bouts of … nightmares is really the only way Dean could explain it. The Angel … gone man would start crying or yelling in his sleep, never saying anything that could be understood but loud enough for everyone in the house to hear. The older Winchester had taken to sleeping in a chair beside Cas's bed at night just in case, he hadn't gotten violent but Dean didn't want to take the chance.

Dean jolted awake at the loud noise from downstairs. Gun shot. He glanced at Cas before grabbing his gun and quietly but quickly heading downstairs where there was some yelling.

"I told ya to stop coming here." Bobby growled angrily.

"Hello to you too darling." Crowley's smooth voice made Dean's blood burn. He jumped the last few steps glaring at the demon standing under Bobby's Devil's Trap. "Oh goody one of the Hardy Boys, where's your Moose?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bobby bit out angrily.

"Don't be like that love," Crowley smirked pointing up. "Look I even walked under here all on my own so we could have a little chat."

"Yeah thanks for that," Dean pointed his gun at the demon. "Makes it easier to destroy you."

"You know that won't kill me." Crowley rollled his eyes. "And after I tried my best to keep you in one piece, I see how it is with you Winchesters … though I shouldn't be surprised."

"What are you talking about? You were a little busy opening the door to freaking Purgatory!" Dean put his gun on the desk not really wanting to waste bullets.

"I'll have you no that you would be missing that pretty little head of yours if it wasn't for me." Crowley managed to sound both angry and nonchalant. The Demon sighed dramatically. "Listen I'm not here to try and get in your good graces. The Angel ruined my plans by throwing his damned brother in and closing it!" The lights flickered in the house.

Crowley took a breath and smiled at Bobby. "I digress, I never truly enjoy showing you my angry side. What matters is that everything worked out. Even if I have to deal with a new Angel in-charge than the one I was planning. We have come to an agreement." Crowley paused. "Oh why am I telling you this. Straight to business then. I swear Bobby you make me have a loose tongue." He grinned lecherously, Dean tried to ignore Bobby blushing.

"I need you to go put protective charms around that lovely tree Castiel has decided to plant." Crowley looked at his fingernails.

"And why would I do that?" Bobby asked warily.

"Because that was part of my deal with the good ole Wise Man upstairs." Crowley sighed. "He wants to make sure that the door will be kept safe, along with your boy's Grace I might add. And well I did every Enochian Sigil I know but apparently Baltha-arse has never bothered to learn any Devil's Traps or anti demon charm because well … all he has to use is his hands." Crowley sounded annoyed at the last part. Like maybe Balthazar had tried to prove that point to Crowley himself.

Dean wished he could have seen that.

"Really? You're protecting it? Why do you care?" Dean scoffed.

"Maybe I'm really just a sheep in wolf's clothing." Crowley winked. "Now will you do it or not?"

"There are closer hunters." Dean didn't want to deal with this right now.

"I'm not talking to you muffin." Crowley glared at Dean bored.

There was a loud thud from upstairs. Dean's eyes widened. He didn't bother making sure Bobby could handle the situation with Crowley, they just needed to excorcise the bastard already.

Was Cas awake?

He took two steps at a time as he ran up the stairs to the guest bedroom. "Cas?" He opened the door to see Cas crumpled on the floor. They had changed his clothes so how he was wearing an pair of sweats and an old band t-shirt. "Cas!" Dean quickly but gently lifted him back onto the bed.

Bright blue eyes met his. "D-Dean?" His voice was hoarse. Cas tried to push himself up.

"Yeah, its me." Dean couldn't help the smile that came from the wave of relief that went through him. "I got you. You're safe."

Cas was trembling but moved his hand to grab Dean's sleeve. "Raphael?"

"Locked away in Purgatory." Dean tried to be reassuring, he fought the urge to hug the man but settled for grabbing his hand. He didn't care if it was off, he was glad Cas was alive.

"It worked." Cas looked down at there hands with a sigh. A silence stretched over them. Dean bit his lip.

"Cas I'm sorry."

"I am no longer an Angel."

Dean felt like he had been stabbed. His chest clenched painfully.

"Castiel."

Both of them jumped and looked at Balthazar. He looked uncomfortable and tired. He offered a strained smiled to Dean, "A moment with my brother please."

"Sure ... sorry." Dean let go of Cas's hand and stood up slightly embarassed. "Cas can I get you anything?" Cas gave Dean a confused look, tilting his head and Dean never realized how much he missed that. "Um … I'll just see what I can find." He shut the door behind him quickly feeling stupid. Cas had just woken up.

He thought of when they had met Jimmy so long ago … Cas was probably hungry. He glanced back at the door before heading to the kitchen. He paused at the bottom of the stairs where Sam was fixing the Devil's Trap. He raised an eyebrow.

"Crowley gone?" He leaned against the wall. "Alive?"

"I think Bobby was two seconds away from trying to exorcise him when I showed up but then Balthazar was here and pretty much ordered them both to go." Sam shrugged with a small grin. "I think Balthazar has something over Crowley. I offered to go but Balthazar wanted me to stay here."

"You telling me that Bobby is stuck in his truck with Crowley?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe Bobby's meeting him there?" Sam shrugged before looking at the stairs. "Cas?"

Dean grimaced. "Awake. I don't know … I think he remember's everything but …" Dean moved to the kitchen.

"But?" Sam tried for more but Dean just glared at the sandwich he was making. Did Cas even like any of this stuff?

"I'm worried too Dean." Sam huffed "... if you had seen the way he was …" Sam shook his head and Dean eyed him.

"What?"

"When we got down there … " Sam seemed to be thinking of a way to put it. "He was crying, he was in a lot of pain … he was holding onto that tree and well it was intense." Sam paused. "It was really sad." he finished softly.

Well of course it was sad and of course he was in pain! A damned Angel ripped out its own Grace! Dean finished the sandwich before getting a decently clean looking cup for water. "We'll show him how to defend himself."

"Shouldn't we … I don't know …" Sam shrugged. "Don't you think being around all this hunter stuff will just remind him of Heaven? Maybe he'll want to do something a little more honest or decent?"

Dean snorted wondering idly which Cas Sam had been hanging around because it certainly wasn't his. "Sure, we'll see if he wants to go be a librarian or something. That's honest right?"

"Maybe ask him about it." Sam called from the kitchen as Dean walked up the stairs. He paused outside the door leaning forward, they probably both knew he was out here anyway.

"I'm sorry I left this burden to you." Castiel's voice was quiet and hoarse.

"I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to." Balthazar mumbled in reply. "You know that."

"I … this is the last time I'll see you." Dean closed his eyes at Cas's tone.

"I don't know." Balthazar admitted. "I hope not. Let the stupid apes take care of you for once alright? I'll be keeping an eye on you but … things are chaotic and don't you dare apologize to me again little brother. Don't make that face either, I mean it. I have to go."

"Good bye Balthazar."

"Bye Casti." The door swung open and Balthazar glared at Dean before shutting the door again. "I swear by his Grace that if anything happens to him, I'll pull Michael and Lucifer out of that cage myself so they can ride your asses and destroy the world."

"Jesus." Dean blinked backing up. He hadn't been expecting that.

"Then I'll lock you into Purgatory with Raphael because I'm sure he likes you so much." Balthazar was practically hissing instead of whispering. "He might not tell you but he's in pain." The Angel's eyes softened … he looked upset. "He's my brother."

"I swear I will look after him." Dean found his mouth saying, his brain seemed to be frozen and his chest hurt. "I will."

"I hope you understand that I find it hard to trust you two. You especially." Balthazar growled. "Under the circumstances that you last spoke before this and you helped lure him into a Ring of Holy Fire."

"We had our reasons." Dean realized he was backed into a wall. He glared back at Balthazar.

"And he had his." The Angel pressed a finger into Dean's chest. "Just know. Anything happens to him? I'll be dragging your sorry ass to hell myself."

And then Balthazar was gone. Dean blinked a few times before sighing. What the hell had he done in a past life to deserve this? He took a deep breath before opening the door to Cas's room and looking in. Cas was looking at his hands, his eyebrow's furrowed together in concentration.

"Everything alright?" Dean walked over revealing the sandwich and water. "Any of this look good?"

"Yes." Cas looked at the food surprised before his stomach gave out a growl. He tentatively reached out for the glass of water taking a few sips before drinking the rest of the glass. Dean bit his lip. Cas looked at him with his piercing blue eyes as he took the sandwich. "I'm human now."

Dean flinched. "I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault." Castiel gave the sandwich a weird look before taking a bite. The black-haired man froze.

"Is it bad? You don't have to eat it. I can make something else." Dean bit his lip suddenly nervous. Cas shook his head.

"Its … flavorful." The ex-angel swallowed raising an eyebrow. He looked at Dean. "Thank you, I know that my presence probably makes you uncomfortable." Cas put the sandwich down and looked at the bed. "I will leave as soon as I am able."

"What are you talking about Cas?" Dean ran a nervous hand through his hair. They were going to have this talk now weren't they? Couldn't wait a few more weeks? "You're not leaving."

Cas stared at his hands angrily. As if Dean was already frustrating him in his first few moments of being human. Dean honestly didn't want to do this right now. He sighed. "Finish your sandwich, I'll get you more water."

"Dean."

Dean froze when Castiel grabbed his arm weakly. Bright blue eyes glance at him before turning away.

"What?"

"I need to …" Cas looked uncomfortable. "I tried to get up earlier but …"

"Huh?" Dean blinked dumbly.

"I need your help to walk to the bathroom." Castiel mumbled still not meeting Dean's gaze again.

"Oh … oh! Sorry man." Dean put the cup and plate at the foot of the bed. "Why didn't you say anything before?" Castiel just sighed as an answer and grabbing Dean's arm and sliding out of the bed. Dean realized it had to be pretty frustrating to go from bad-ass Angel to human within a few moments. Cas stands on his own and Dean is about to let go before the smaller man takes a step forward but seems to trip on air. He almost drops Cas but manages to catch him before he hits the floor.

"What the hell was that?" Dean chuckles before he hears Cas' frustrated noise. "I've seen you walk before."

Cas mumbles something, frustrated, trying to pull away from Dean but the older Winchester doesn't allow it and helps him stand. "What was that?"

Cas glares at the floor. "It different without wings."

Dean blinks a few times trying to figure if he heard that right. "You didn't have …" Then he thought about the times he did see them, in the shadows. Those large wings that brought with them thunder and knocked the electricity out. "Oh … those were … uh real?"

"Very." Castiel wasn't meeting Dean's eyes. "I don't like this."

Dean figures he wouldn't like a peice of him being chopped off either but he can't think of a proper response so instead he wraps an arm around Cas's back and gets a better hold. It's a lot easier to get to the bathroom and Dean is pretty grateful when Cas all but shoves him out of it and closes the door. He didn't leave though and leaned against the door. A thought came to him.

"Hey Cas." Dean winced, it was weird to talk to a guy while he was using the john. Even if it was Cas.

"What Dean?" The other man's tone sounded defeated. Dean clenched his fist a few times.

"Where's Jimmy?" Dean traced a pretective carving in the wall with his finger. There was a silent pause before he could hear Cas moving around in the bathroom. A flush then a loud thud. Dean went to the door. "You alright?"

A pause.

"He's in Paradise." It sounded like Cas was pulling himself up off the floor. "He is at peace." There was another loud crash that had Dean wincing.

"Cas? What are you doing in there?"

"Dean." Cas groaned. Dean opened the door slowly peaking in and tried not to laugh at the site in front of him.

"Everything okay?" Sam called from down stairs.

"Yeah, just getting used to the legs." Dean called back.

Castiel must have tripped and grabbed onto the shower curtains for support because he was sitting in the tub wrapped up in the blue curtain. He had knocked over everything on the shelving which was thankfully not that much, shampoo, soap, and a silver knife all clattered around in the tub as well. Dean was relieved the knife hadn't cut Cas … since his healing powers were gone now. He walked over and gingerly inspected the ex-angel's head.

Cas was frowning with his eyes closed.

"You hit your head pretty hard." Dean winced as he felt a bump. "You're just going to need practice." He gave Cas a grin. The other man just grunted and helped Dean get him untangled from the shower curtain and then helped him down the stairs.

XXX

Sam honestly didn't know what they were going to do next. He knew the monsters and hauntings were never going to stop but part of him wanted a break. He didn't know if it was selfish or deserved but its what the back of his mind was telling him. His brother and he had already been to hell and back, stopped the Apocalypse, and have died quiet a few times in the process. Shouldn't they get a break.

He glanced over at Castiel who looked a mix between misreable, annoyed and flat out exhausted. Sam's heart felt tight as he stared at the use-to-be-Angel. It was unfair. Castiel deserved a break too. The black-haired man was touching the spine of the books on Bobby's shelves gently. He was walking slowly around the room, touching things and then looking at his hands as if they were a hard puzzle.

Sam glanced over at Dean who was pretending to read a book. His lips twitched as Dean's eyes followed Cas around the room. But there was something obviously bothering his brother by the way he was hunched over the desk. All three of them jumped when a phone went off.

Sam closed his book and went over to the pile of phones Bobby had. Luckily it was the one set for the house. "Singer's Auto." Sam answered and turned away from Cas and Dean. It was weird to be stared at by the both of them.

"The house still in one piece?" Bobby's voice growled through the phone. There was a low accented chuckle in the background.

"Crowley still in one piece?" Sam asked back nodding at Dean. "When you heading back?"

There was a cough and loud thud on the phone. "Dammit why don't you just go back to hell already?" There was a laugh and Bobby snorted. "We're still a few hours from Dover and if you guys find a way to kill Crowley once and for all please let me know asap. Ow! You know what-" Some static. "I'll call you later Sam."

Sam blinked as Bobby hung up. He looked back

At Dean who was giving him a confused expression, raised eyebrow and all.

"What was that?"

"I honestly don't want to know." Sam admitting putting the phone down. "I just know I'm glad I'm not the one stuck with Crowley right now."

"Doesn't he have a job or something in hell?" Dean snorted putting the book-he-wasn't-really-reading down.

"He and Balthazar have an agreement he must see through to first." Cas was looking as his feet and curling his toes into the carpet.

"Are you okay?" Sam couldn't help but ask.

"Everything feels different." Castiel admitted looking at his hands again.

Sam couldn't help but notice how Dean flinched. His older brother opened his mouth before closing it. Sam wondered idly what was going on in his brother's head. But he probably should change the subject.

"So I was thinking about take a break." That got both of their attentions. Sam offered a nervous smile. "You know … from hunting."

"Seriously? After everything you think we can just drop it?" Dean asked incredulously. Sam winced.

"I think it is well deserved because of everything you two have done." Castiel gave Dean a questioning look.

"I'm not saying we don't deserve one, because hell yes we do but I mean …" Dean made a motion with his hand. "You just can't really ever stop."

"I'm not saying forever." Sam hastily added. "I was just thinking I might go visit some friends … go to the beach … you know. A vacation."

Dean snorted and Castiel sighed.

"Just I don't know … think about it." Sam finished lamely. "I didn't say you had to come."

"No you should go." Dean ran a tired hand through his hair. "Seriously. I'm just … tired."

"You could come too if you wanted to Cas?" Sam offered the black-haired man since Dean was obviously RSVP-ing NO. Cas shook his head.

"You want to take a vacation from what you've been doing. I doubt having me around would help you forget." Castiel's shoulder's were slumped and he swayed slightly. "I believe I am tired as well."

Sam was worried for a second that Cas would just fall asleep at that moment but Dean was able to nudge the smaller man upstairs before promising to talk about a break tomorrow with Sam.

The younger Winchester sighed.

He went back to his computer, if he was going to go he could at least help Cas get his new life in order.

Fake IDs and all.

XXX

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

Cas wanted to scream. To call for help. His brothers and sisters.

Where were they?

He couldn't hear their voices, their songs.

He finally called out but all he heard was a terrible noise. Pained. Human.

"Cas!"

Castiel whimpered trying to call out again. The same horrible cry came out. He tried to wrap his wings around himself, to protect him from this pain but they wouldn't come.

"Cas wake up its just a dream!"

Castiel shoved the heavy weight ontop of him away as he jolted awake with a gasp. He could still hear the horrible crying ... it was him. Castiel sobbed wrapping his arms around himself. He was making the horrible noise. He didn't have wings anymore.

"Cas speak to me."

Castiel looked over to see Dean picking himself up off the floor rubbing his head. He must have hit it when Cas threw him. "I'm sorry."

"Are you okay?" Dean was looking at him worried, hesitantly sitting down on the side of the bed. Cas wanted to tell him that he was not fine. That he could feel his Grace calling to him. That he could no longer hear the beautiful song of his Garrison. He was alone. Everything felt dull and flat and he wanted his wings back.

"I'm fine." Cas bit out not wanting to burden Dean more. He was thanful it appeared he had been forgiven by the brothers. Even if he had been doing it for them.

"That was a stupid question." Dean hit himself on the head before looking at Castiel cautiously. "Cas you do know you're crying right? Can you feel that."

Castiel gently touched his face with his hands and pulled it away wet. So this is what that horrible feeling was in his chest, causing his arms to shake and his body to feel so cold. "I think I feel ..." He looked at Dean. He couldn't explain it. It wasn't like before. He had felt things before. Sadness when one of his brothers fell in battle. Anger at those who killed them, confusion at Uriel's betrayal. He stared into the green eyes.

Love. He had always known love. In Heaven and even here on Earth.

But this … so many feelings at one time. Castiel dropped his gaze to stare at Dean's shoulder. Where he had held onto his soul and pulled him from Hell. He hadn't thought about the lack of a mark on Sam considering he also pulled out the younger brother's body as well … he should have known that with out a mark he had been missing the most important part of the brother.

Frustration. Disappointed in himself. Failed. Confusion. Why? Lonely without the voices of the other Angels. Sadness. Pain … not physical. His body was healed minus the few bruises he had earned from his lack of balance. No his chest, his heart. Hurt.

Humans were truly amazing. Castiel felt his lips twitch.

"I feel … everything." Cas looked up at Dean.

Dean would know what to do with this.

"Dammit Cas." Dean made a pained expression that made Castiel's heart ache even more. He never liked that expression on Dean but as a human it seemed to be causing a small painful sensation. "I'm so sorry … if I could get you your Grace back I would …" And his tone left no doubt in Castiel's mind that he would.

"If I took it back Purgatory would open up and Raphael would be free." Castiel wanted to make sure Dean knew he was talking about. "That door is sealed and we will just have to hope that no one tries to open the others."

Dean scoffed. "But I mean … you were an Angel!" He gestured at Cas. "You can't just … you honestly can't say that you've enjoyed it so far!"

"I've only been awake for … " Cas paused. It was different not knowing time with just a sense.

"Long enough to know how much it sucks." Dean closed his eyes running his hands through his hair.

"I wouldn't take back what I did." Castiel touched the sheets on the bed. Carressing them with the tips of his fingers. Everything felt so different. He paused when something soft moved over his face. He quickly reached up and grabbed Dean's wrist pulling it down. There was a tissue. Cas looked over Dean who looked embarrassed.

"You were still … " Dean made a motion at his face with his free hand.

"Thanks." Cas gently grazed his fingertips over the tissue and then Dean's wrist keeping a hold with his other hand.

"Cas what are you-"

"Everything feels different." Castiel slid his fingers over Dean's arms. "Is different." When he used to look at Dean he could see the damaged soul but strong. The brilliance of Dean Winchester, his gorgeous beautifully broken soul, tainted by hell. He used to be able to see all of the scars that used to mark this body. Castiel blinked.

Now all he saw was a regular arm. He frowned. Tracing his fingers up Dean's arm until they met the sleeve of Dean's worn out shirt.

"Cas …" Dean shivered his eyes watching Castiel's hand. "Are you going to be okay?"

Castiel thought about it for a moment. He was human. He would never be allowed to return to what he once was. He was no longer useful to the Winchesters.

But here Dean was.

And for now, he could live with that.

"Yes."

XXX


End file.
